38 Days

When you are waiting for a bed to open up at another inpatient facility, it can happen at any moment. The parents/guardians would rarely have a heads up. The last time we went through this, we only waited 4 days. That's rare.

So this is the process in my neck of the woods . .

The individual in psychiatric need is in their own room in the emergency department. The room is large but only has a bed. There are no windows. They are given cardboard spoons to eat their food. That includes soup or meat. There is a "sitter", an employee usually from another department that wants to make extra money, in the doorway watching your every move to ensure your safety and those around you. Some sitters play board or card games with the kids, or toss a stuffy around, some might only interact to reprimand you if you are not being considerate of other patients.

In a case such as mine, a child patient with Autism, ADHD, Tourette's and more, it's not only not possible to fulfill model patient status, but it's kind of a cruel thing to do to a kid that always feels like people are watching him anyway, and that he is always being judged. How long do you think a child - that doesn't even really understand why he is there in the first place - can keep their cool?

11 days is a long time. I think it was Day 9 that Adrian kicked two holes in the wall inside his room.

On February 13th, Adrian's wait was over. He was transported and admitted to the other hospital while I was in recovery from my surgery - unfortunately in a different hospital. There was no way I could see him off, wish him luck, make sure he had enough clothes or feel the excitement with him. We often say "it's okay, you're one day closer to being back home." He has always been good about keeping that in mind.

The next 27 days would be the same as last time . . med changes and maybe some behavioral changes. We visited a few times; played card games and had dinner. His sister and dad had birthdays during this time that he missed. He was pretty bummed, but we made sure to include him when singing Happy Birthday!

We were so excited to get the call that Adrian was ready to be discharged. We picked him up on March 11th.

All of his meds were ready at the pharmacy, except two. One needed a prior authorization, and the other was straight up denied because "it's unusual to prescribe this med twice a day" - only once a day being approved. This process took 3 days with a lot of calls to the doctor at the hospital (she was amazing; passionate about those kids), the insurance company and the pharmacy. 3 days without the proper medications after being released from a psychiatric facility. Adrian was off the walls. His ADHD and anxiety without medication is next level. The Doctor and I spoke several times, both of us angry, frustrated and sad that a kid was just immediately set up for failure.

Once we finally had all of his meds, that we were patiently waiting to kick in, we thought this is it! We are going to be a whole family again! Adrian went back to school half-days to start, and then full days the next week. We realized though, that Adrian's aggression was worse. Especially at night with his siblings and with me. His anxiety was so high that it had all of my cylinders firing at once and buzzing in mid-air. I was in pure panic mode, trembling, and finding myself trying to calm Adrian down more than taking my own breaths.

Again, we were back at square one with the demands of 100% attention, and the constant asking and begging for items at a store or off the internet.

I mean really, hearing "please, please, please, it's only 8 dollars", "it's only 40 dollars", "I promise I'll be good" with his hands together pleading. It's fucking maddening! It's sad! He's a kid! I want to make him happy. He doesn't understand "no", or "I'm sorry bubby, I just don't have the money for that right now".. I give in, scrape some money together and like a dumbass, get him the thing he wants because I know what will happen if he can't have what he wants. And that's where we found ourselves on March 23rd and 24th.

After a full weekend of harassment, emotional abuse, and destruction of property, with one wall almost completely taken out, and a stool thrown at me, we had to get the local police involved again. We live in a small town, so we've gotten to know our officers pretty well. They are all very kind and patient, know our situation, take the time to learn what happened, and how we can resolve it.

This time, Adrian exposed his anger and "zero f's attitude" to the police officer. When the officer and I spoke in private, he revealed that he can see how Adrian's behavior is escalating, wishes he was 16 so he could do something about it. Of course, my whole goal is fixing this issue before it is too late for Adrian and that officer can do something.

So, with Adrian nearly kicking and screaming, we were headed back to the hospital. The drive there was so scary. Adrian kept threatening to jump from the car. He released his seatbelt and tried to open the door. I was able to grab his seatbelt before it completely retracted and held on tight. He screamed, "I will just punch you in the face and take the wheel you fucking bitch!" Luckily this hospital is only 9 miles away, but it sure was scary. He eventually stopped fighting when I pulled over and began to call for police assistance.

I was so distraught by the time we made it to the Emergency Room parking lot, that I called his previous Doctor at the Hospital he was discharged from. I just couldn't believe we're going through this again! Will we have to wait 11 days for a bed? More? I needed validation that I was making the right decision. With thanks to God, the Doctor was still there, after 6pm that Monday. We spoke, with Adrian too, and we all agreed another round of exploration and treatment was necessary.

Adrian and I walked hand-in-hand back into the ER, both of us exhausted and defeated.